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Being Passive vs Going With the Flow

Updated: Aug 26, 2020

Sometimes we confuse going with the flow with being passive. When we go through life it is important to stay positive, trust, and have the perspective that everything is in divine order, but this does not mean we should not make decisions.

We were given the gift of freedom to choose. When you do decide, simply allow and trust the universe to give you what you intended, but also continue to live and experience life so you can attain true discernment. See what happens as you move through life, while your actions stem from trust. Results may not come in the exact way you pictured. They may actually turn out even better! Results may show up through your children, your partner, your boss, or an unexpected event. Signs are everywhere and help is near by. We are meant to experience life on earth. So we can't simply sit around all day passively because we are afraid and we also can't sit around and do nothing to prove that we are living on faith alone.

How would you know the difference between what you want and feel is right and what you don't want and feel is wrong for you? We have to make decisions and take steps. The trick is to decide, while you are confident, feel at ease, and are rested assured that all will work out. If your decisions are based on fear, the outcome will likely not turn out in your favor. This doesn't imply that you should not make a decision, while you are afraid. There is a difference between basing a decision on fear and deciding in spite of it. The following are examples of where our decisions can be based from:

Decision based on fear - Example: Deciding to concoct a lie because you are afraid of losing someone. So, you lie to keep them from leaving you. An instance would be faking a pregnancy or pretending to need long term care for a false health condition so that your partner will feel sorry for you.

These are absolute No-Nos! You don't want to put that energy out there. If you ultimately become what you think, there are many ways these circumstances can end up, but the ultimate outcome usually turns out proving and presenting to you what you feared the most. Think about it. Short term gain from passive aggressive tactics may cause growing feelings of regret and resentfulness. You feared your partner leaving you. Well he/she did leave, just not physically.

Decision, while you are afraid - Example: Speaking at an event you are inspired to present at, but concerned about how nervous you are to speak publicly. Fear of public speaking is extremely common. Before I started speaking more publicly at engagements I had often been nervous, particularly when I wasn't prepared or well skilled in my subject matter. I learned to stop volunteering myself to present topics I didn't feel confident speaking about, but we all do get nervous at one point or another.

If being nervous caused us to fail every time, celebrities and prominent public speakers we admire wouldn't exist! Just go with the flow. Get on that stage and do what you rehearsed many times at home. Even better, speak from the heart and get inspired! We are all human. If you have no choice but to speak at that time, then just breath and start to believe that there is a reason why you are up there because a decision based on inspiration doesn't lead you to ultimate failure. Somehow, something positive is meant to come out of it, even if we can't see it right away. Believe in yourself! Then see where this experience ultimately leads you!

Decision based on inspiration - Example: Suddenly being inspired to submit a recording of a song you wrote for a vocal competition. You will either win because you were led to do it or you will place second, third, or even last, but then out of nowhere, run into the judge back stage. You both hit it off and develop such a rapport that he or she ends up playing a key part in helping to bring you ultimate success in your music career later on.

Your positive expectation and inspired decision will produce effective results. The universe is clever! You didn't have to write a well-crafted email to the judges after your submission and you didn't have to schmooze your way up any ladders. Through the path of least resistance, you allowed success to come to you by first acting on inspiration and going with the flow.

Any decision or action based on inspiration is coming from your inner spirit, who is telling you to go for it (or not go for it)! Whatever the outcome, it will work out for you, even if it doesn't look like it early on.

Therefore, decide and trust.

It doesn't help you to be so fearful to the point of feeling stuck or act in a passive aggressive way. It does help you in the long run to allow things to work for you and naturally stay in control, since you know things will work out. That is what real control is, to feel like you don't have to manipulate anyone or anything. Have you ever noticed a manager at work who seems to always appear calm? She manages her team effectively, thereby producing effective results. She is not being passive. She is applying a method of trust and allowing. She seems to be more in control, while relaxing and going with the flow, which allows her the clarity to make good decisions. Compare this to the manager who tends to run around making demands and often appears stressed out. Motherhood is one of the toughest jobs out there, but I have observed a variety of parenting styles and see that this approach is mostly effective when disciplining or teaching our children.

Being passive is different. You are taking steps, but not walking forward. You are only stepping side to side in a stagnant position. That isn't going with the flow. Can you imagine paddling on a river that simply swishes you from side to side? If you are not flowing forward decisions will likely be made for you. Most single parents do not have the luxury of things being done for them. In fact, independence is something single parents grow used to! Do you really what to live forever by someone else's idea of who you should be, what you should decide for yourself and your child, and how you should live?

The ideal solution is to move forward, while having the courage to make choices that align with what your inner self or your instincts are telling you. This usually comes from something that inspires you, a great idea, a positive and collaborative moment with others, doing something exciting, or being creative in some way. Faith is going with the flow, as you experience what life has to offer.

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